“Whatever is hidden is meant to be disclosed. And whatever is concealed is meant to be brought into the open.”
I want to explain a few key concepts that will help someone survive in life, but to do so I need to explain my entire life because one needs to live in someone else’s shoes in order to understand what that person says. I know that I cannot give you the world, but I can alleviate some of its difficulties and complications and misunderstandings (God knows how many there are) and give you a little more of an understanding of how to tackle life. I do this because I have learned that people need examples. People need people to be examples, though not necessarily role models. People have a desire to understand other people’s lives in order to make better sense of their own lives and the role they play and how to think. But more than just theoretical examples, people need real-life examples of taboo circumstances. The world of the taboo is exactly where the population has the least amount of information and is, therefore, where ignorance and evil breed.
“The fact is that it doesn’t really matter what your intentions were in writing this poem, Miss Holding. Now the poem exists as an entity in the world quite apart from you, as it must, subject to our interpretation. You, the writer, cannot dictate that interpretation to us. You cannot protect this poem. In fact, Miss Holding, you have no further control over this poem at all” (Smith 123)
The way that I impart myself to the world is through my child, this book. I am the author of words on a page that can be translated various ways and will be translated in ways that I would never imagine. I am the soul of the book for the book is a tool of self-expression. I am the origin of the book. Others may only like or dislike my book and forget about it eventually. Others may have a deep passion for my book, but everyone’s passion will be for different reasons. Even when the reader believes that they understand my meaning and intentions they can be completely off the mark. But I am the mother to a child. I will not possibly ever understand my child completely and my child may even accuse me of lack of understanding e. I must let my child into the world and allow e to grow with or without my influence.
I also write this in hopes that my birth parents may be filled in on the life they missed.
“If you have a book, no one can imprison your body because you can leave your body behind.”
–Jacquelyn Mitchard author of The Deep End of the Ocean
“When the mind is bent upon any object, it is relieved by the conversation of those who understand it” (Brackenridge)
“But we are punks,
And we don’t care what they say,
Because they are disgusting to us,
And it doesn’t really matter if they still know how to read or not,
Or if they can understand writing that doesn’t have cute scenes in it, or charming losers
dancing on the brink of doom,
Because we’re not interested in being liked,
Whether they like it or not.
We’re interested in leaving a record,
For the ones who will come later,
The ones who will have to start over,
When they have finished rotting everything to pieces”(Laird 23)
I would rather you think of this as a pamphlet towards revolutionizing the world in which you have an active role, rather than a good read. When I was young, I realized that something was wrong with today’s world. It is apparent that the most pressing concerns all have to do with sex, and the only way to get us out of our hole is to learn about sex. I have seen many people stricken with guilt over sexual pleasures, and this guilt would destroy their entire life. I bring this book to show how one can enjoy sexual pleasures with a full set of ethical codes. I plan to release those with higher-than-average sex drives from condemnation to hell. I have noticed in my lifetime the trend of people in this lifestyle to either go insane and commit suicide or become reinstated into the “normal” way of life, neither of which I think is good. All of this is due to the mindset that what they are doing is sinful. When I am not talking about sex, though relating to it indirectly, my general purpose is to prove that those otherwise known as inferior are far more superior than can be seen by simple minds.
“It would be impossible for a son to repay his parents for their gracious kindness, even if he could carry his father on his right shoulder and his mother on his left for one hundred long years. And even if he could bathe the bodies of his parents in sweet-smelling ointments for a hundred years, serve as an ideal son, gain a throne for them, and give them all the luxuries of the world, still he would not be able to repay them sufficiently for the great indebtedness of gratitude he owes to them. But if he leads his parents to Buddha and explains the Buddha’s teachings to them, and persuades them to give up a wrong course and follow a right one, leading them to give up all greed and enjoy the practice of offering, then he will be more than repaying them. Buddha’s blessing abides in the home where parents are held in respect and esteem.” (Bukkyo 217)
“You can survive anything you can explain.”
–Jacquelyn Mitchard, author of The Deep End of the Ocean
“The whole duty of a writer is to please and satisfy himself, and the true writer always plays to an audience of one.”
“This book has a domestic and private object. It is intended for the use of my relations and friends; so that, when they have lost me, that they will soon do, they may find in it some features of my condition and humors; and by this means keep up more completely, and in a more lively manner, the knowledge they have of me.”
“I believe it is difficult for those who publish their own memoirs to escape the imputation of vanity. Nor is this the only disadvantage under that they labor: it is also their misfortune, that whatever is uncommon is rarely, if ever, believed and from what is obvious we are apt to turn with disgust, and to charge the writer of it with impertinence.”(Equiano 1)
“One of the deepest truths about the cry of the human heart is that it is so often muted, so often a cry that is never uttered. To be sure, there are needs and feelings that we express quite openly; lying deeper are emotions we share only with loved ones, and deeper still the things we tell no one. We die with much unsaid. It is strange that members of a species renowned for communicative gifts should leave unexpressed some of their deepest yearnings, their smoldering resentments, their worries and secret hopes, their longing to serve a higher purpose” (Gardner)
The combination of being raised under the virtue of honesty and being unable to tell the truth for so many years has caused me to write this book. My parents always believed I had a stronger sense of self than those around me, but the more I found out about myself the less I understood who I was. So many people go through life as if they cannot or will not remember the past, leaving so many things left unresolved. I chose not to be one of them. In my adolescence, I was transposed from a world without care to a world of repression. I was confused. I was very complex, and my true self was hidden from me. I needed to find the cause of why I had become who I am, so I organized my life experiences in order to understand my life and to get rid of contradictions within myself because if I am to be a true person, as in ideally moral, I must be the same under all situations and circumstances. I hoped that by organizing myself by writing down experiences I could make sense of the confusion. Even though I had what began as a simple and normal life, it developed into one where no one had ever ventured, and I had nobody to guide me. But even though I ended up having quite an unusual life at the end, I just want to make clear that I am not all that different from anyone else and that all lives are as complicated as my own. The difference is that they do not take the time to analyze their life and organize it into something for which one would be morally proud, as I have done.
The Koran requires that a dead man be stripped of his or her most intimate secrets. But why wait until my demise? It is best to face yourself in life than to face yourself when salvation is no longer an option. I have nothing to hide now, for I have sacrificed myself for you. This book contains all that I have gleaned from experiences. This book is a lesson of life through me as a vessel. This is an autobiography because to write a fiction novel that assumes the characters are complex is just not possible if the writer has not lived the life of each character and experienced their experiences. Simple characters and fictional characters continually perpetuate our own stereotypes and perceptions and should only be used to make a point. I also write an autobiography because I am the expert on myself, and it is good to be an expert in something. This book is my life, it is about my life, and it is what my life centers on. And anything I have done in my life is as much for me as it is for you. You are my legacy. The stuff in this book is very persona,l and I would only show it to my children so I give you—my children—my life in written words.
- Smith, Lee. The Last Girls. New York: Ballantine Books, 2003. 123.
- Brackenridge, Hugh Henry. Modern Chivalry. New York: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, Inc., 1965.
- Laird, R.F. The Boomer Bible. New York: Workman Publishing Company, 1991. 23.
- Bukkyo Dendo Kyokai (Society for the Promotion of Buddhism). The Teaching of Buddha. Tokyo:
Kosaido Printing Co., Ltd., 2003. 217.
- Equiano, Olaudah. The Interesting Narrative of the Life of Olaudah Equiano, or Gustavus Vassa, the
African. Leeds: J. Nichols, 1814. 1.
- Gardner, John W. On Leadership. New York: The Free Press, 1990.