The Meaning of a Metaphorical Life of Inductive Thoughts Understood Through Identity (Religion) and Memory (History): Uncensored Edition

Collaborated by Ame Ai and God ("The author and finisher of our faith" Hebrew 12:2)

Category: Prologue

Sixth Grade

Learning About Music (See Fourth Grade)

Faye, Paula, and I created a singing group called the 4 Leaf Clovers, because we liked to look for four-leaf clovers, though I have never found one in my life. Here is what I remember from our songs:

“Sunday Driver”
[…] Get our bags all ready.
Hope we’re driving with Eveready.
Gonna need a big battery charge
Cos we’re moving slow as a barge.
CHORUS:
Cos they’re Sunday drivers,
The worst of their kind.
Sunday drivers,
The worst you can find.

“It’s a Mess”
In my room it looks like a big bomb went off.
[…] lots of stuff.
Dust bunnies lie on the floor ever what may.
It looks like a small trash heap in a big way.
CHORUS:
Cos It’s a mess! Doo doo doo, doo doo doo,
Doo doo doo doo : ||

“Stress”11
Ooo ooo ooo ooo
Boom boom chic
Nyeer nyeer nyeer : ||
(Rapping:)
I ate my head last night […]

“Little Ant”
Little ant
Little little ant ooo : ||

“Nooshkateeg”
Cacapoopoo eats the nipchee
Nooshkateegjie weegie blah
Ren, Stimpy, and the kiwi invisible.

A Variety of Clubs

I was in a variety of clubs that I helped to make out of my imagination. We named one of the clubs B.C.B.G. (I forgot what it stood for). The symbol for it was a bee, and we created it as a club to exclude certain people who were not in favor of the group. We named another club D.U.S.T. One day, in an area called “the Dungeon,” named so because it was dark and at the bottom of a wooden playground, light would creep in between the wooden slates and by the light you could see bits of dust clearly. “The Dungeon” had aliens painted on the walls, so Faye and I made up that the dust was a bunch of miniature aliens. My code name was “A..-…E,” inspired by Morse code. Meeting places for these clubs were in various places around the playground. We had an unusual playground that consisted of wooden structures connected by monkey bars and old tires. Some tires were arranged like boxes, a perfect place for secret meetings, and some tires were halfway into the ground, to act as stepping-stones. The gravel-covered playground also had swings, a straight slide, a circular slide, two poles, and an amphitheatre. In the smaller playground in the back of the school, nearby where we did the mile run, there was a painted metal spider and many campers.

Learning Social Responsibility

We used to have a blaming joke. We would say such and such “ is all your fault,” and we would fill in the blank with outrageous things like World War I and World War II (The Great Warning). We would try to see who could say something the most outrageous. This was actually a good learning ground for social responsibility.

Learning About Modesty

I was raised up to be excessively modest. I was excessively modest about nudity because I was taught to be. I remember one time that I was camping with the Girl Scouts, and I had to go inside a dark closet in order to change; I was that modest.

My Interest in Boys (See Kindergarten)

My interest in unusual boys had already started out at an early age (kindergarten), but I became quickly disgusted with accepted male beauty because those were the types of boys who would make fun of me to no end. I think I began liking unusual guys when I had a crush on a new kid with long lashes whom everyone avoided, who wore spandex to the pool. When Paula asked him for a pen, he told her it was in his back pocket. This is sixth grade! Though he was not attractive, his actions were by far sexier because he was not accepted, and he did not care. These people make much more interesting conversationalists. If you cannot converse well and continue to be interesting, then there is no hope for a relationship.

Learning About Sex

This was a year of sexual exploration. We had taken sex education, in which I asked the most questions, and we would discuss who had started their period during sleepovers. I was one of the first to have had mine, and I think it caused some jealousy. I was very fascinated with sex. I was fluent in the raunchiest sex jokes and knew most of the terminology and the many ways of saying “penis.” The Weirdo Club for some time became the Pen15 club (and was not the first one in existence). The Weirdo Club also broke into two parts: The Weirdo Club (consisting of Faye, Paula, and me) and the Weird but not Obsessed Club (Catheryn, Dan Smith, Scotty Ledger, Jase Rudder, Anne Chili, Cindy Grant, and Moselle Medford).

Learning About Being an Outcast

One day I saw a yellow jacket, a type of bee, and I let it crawl on my pinky finger. Everyone avoided me because I had a bee on my finger, and people asked me why I would want that bee on my finger. I did not see what was so bad about having a bee on my finger.

Oral Presentations
In sixth grade, the class was introduced to Toastmasters (which focuses on oral presentations). Later in life, my dad joined Toastmasters because he enjoyed making oral presentations. The presentations I gave were about accused witches of the Salem Trials, The Beatles, and Shetland Sheepdogs. One time when I was evaluating the oral presentation of a boy named Ethan Boghosian, he accused me of bias because I did not evaluate him favorably. I was just being honest, but ever since, I felt he disliked me. I was continually trying to be nice to him, but he never seemed to understand. I think we could have gotten along well because I found him attractive, and he seemed to me the outcast type since he wore a Mohawk in high school, but I was always too afraid that I would be met with resistance.

Learning About Popularity
I had a typical adolescence and pre-adolescence consisting of sleepovers, Truth or Dare, and prank phone calls as well as poring over fashion magazines and drooling over guys. Many things happened in sixth grade. This year I lived in the world of popularity, though it only lasted this year. I began to believe as a child that the number of friends one had raised one’s status. Sixth grade was the first time I felt popular because I was in a group of people, the Weirdo Club, and not being by myself and one other person. I started to get a big head and would be rude and push people out of the way. I have since learned that it is better to have one good friend than a bunch of acquaintances, but I have never been able to make my subconscious believe the truth. Even during that year in sixth grade, when I felt more well-known, I did not ever really know the people who hung out with me; it was all about a feeling of being outgoing. (That is a great feeling but gets in the way of love.)


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Fifth Grade

Composure (See Fourth Grade)

I remember being ten and being offended by reading an R.L. Stine or Christopher Pike book. Someone in the book said someone else was as stupid as a ten-year-old. By this age, I swore I was as smart as an adult, and I have wanted since to prove my maturity. I now know that a typical ten-year-old is infinitely wiser than a foolish teenager. Confident children are far smarter than adults. What I learned from childhood: It is only when you become like the one in charge that you gain respect. Everyone has touches of a ten-year old mind; the mind that knows everything. This is because we live in a very confined area: our body, our mind, our environment, not two bodies or a dozen minds or seven continents, but one, ours. We can only understand through the experiences we have, and we can only be as unique as our experiences allow, and yet we still believe that we know everything.

Cool Teachers

Mr. Schuster was my math teacher. He would stand on his head to entertain us and would prepare us for upper level math that I did not learn until years after he mentioned it. We did a lot of things with Mr. Scott who eventually became a coach at my high school.

Learning About Conforming, Bullying, and Discrimination (See First Grade)

I remember the day I started conforming. Our class was doing a unit in science; I think it was a unit dealing with pendulums. By this time I had realized that not many people liked Shama, a friend I had, so I did not either. Their reasoning was that she was fat and she smelled (because she ate Indian food). She wanted to join our science group and I loudly said “no.” I was too loud and the teacher told me to go outside for being so loud. Afterwards, I continued to dislike her and would draw mean pictures of her, emphasizing the size of her butt. Faye encouraged the cruelty I gave her.

Learning About Perversity

When the creators of South Park said in an interview they based the show on reality they were not kidding. Third through fifth grade is the age of being foul-mouthed. I am certain that this is not the age that Jesus meant when he told people to be like children. This is the time when Faye and I started watching Ren & Stimpy. We loved it for some reason, probably because we found the idea of body functions funny, as children normally do. This television show made us believe there was nothing embarrassing about the body so we would have no inhibitions about picking each other’s dandruff or shaving each other’s arm hair. I used to have a sick sense of humor as a child. I took perverse pleasure in squashing bugs, and I would roll brownies up into a ball so that it looked like poop. Faye and I both loved to draw so we got a composition notebook called “The Disgusting Page” and drew in the book big boobs and big butts, bug-eyed men, and strange hearts inspired by a heart found in the Lemmings computer game. This inspired me to draw a naked family in sixth grade that I called “The Alien Family.” Mike Frederick, my longtime bully, discovered it at the lunch table and passed it around. I think this is one of the reasons that I am the way I am, and I would not be too surprised if other people who grew up watching the show turned out similarly. I think that I, including all other perverts of the millennium, would not be as perverted if it were not for Ren & Stimpy (And I would have it no other way). It helped me to graduate into a Clive Barker, Donnie Darko, Butcher Boy, and Jhonen Vasquez way of thinking, though I honestly never watched Beavis & Butthead in fifth grade because I found it too crude. Go figure.

Fourth Grade

In fifth grade I knew a girl whose mother analyzes handwriting. We would play board games, and she would nickname me “Sticky Fingers” because I would go out of turn. I knew another girl who was in my first grade class who I never paid much attention to until she returned this year, and I found out that she was very good at ballet. Everyone else I knew I knew from Girl Scouts. I was friends with Catheryn Muller. Her mom worked in an insane asylum. There were three older girls from Girl Scouts, one whose brother was in my class and another who lived in the same neighborhood. The president of the Girl Scout troop later went to my high school. I met the first female twins in my life in Girl Scouts. The first male twins I met in my first grade class. Then there was an Asian girl in School Age Child Care (SACC) who I looked up to as the older figure in elementary school.

Composure and Professional Pictures (See Toddler Age)

Ever since age nine I have always been seen as older. At the age of nine I went to Olan Mills and had one of the best pictures taken of me. Mom put that picture on her desk at Our Lady High School and told me when I was older that some of her students would ask if they could date me because I looked so much older than I was. When I got a Glamour Shot around age eleven, people took me for eighteen. When I was twenty-one years old, my boyfriend’s friends thought I was thirty, but I suppose they might have been the type who would call Cindy Crawford fat.

France

We went to Paris, France this year. We also visited Normandy and the Loire Valley. I had always wanted wear a midriff so my mom allowed me to wear a midriff for the first time in France. I saw a black prostitute there, but did not realize she was a prostitute until Mom told me. I got a charcoal drawing of me made that my parents thought looked very good, but I thought it looked nothing like me.

I did not like the food and embarrassed Mom because I was complaining about the food because the French are known for their excellent cuisine. I tried caviar since I had heard about it a lot with rich people, but when I found out that it was fish eggs I stopped eating it. Being pleased with one, we tried another, but it didn’t turn out very good so we threw it away. Dad was so pleased that he was able to say one of the few phrases he knew in French and have it actually mean something: “Je vais chez l’epicier.”

Dad was pickpocketed on the metro.  He felt his back pocket and noticed that nothing was there.  At the same time my mom reached a hand in her purse and oddly enough found her hand brushed up against another hand that was not her own.  The woman was hidden behind a large map.  My mom slapped her hand and said something in French.  The pickpocket was surprised to find a foreigner who could speak French so well.  Dad announced above the crowd that he would call the police at the next stop.  A mysterious hand came out of the crowd saying “I found your wallet.”  Later in the day we found out that had also forgotten a camera in a taxi.  The taxi driver took advantage of us and tried to see how much money he could squeeze out of us, but fortunately, the concierge helped us to keep the price down.

Continuing to Read

In fourth grade, I continued being the avid reader I was in third grade. I attribute some of my literary interest to Pizza Hut’s Book It! Program, which started in 1984. I read C.S. Lewis’s Chronicles of Narnia, E.B.White’s Charlotte’s Web, Madeleine L’Engle’s A Wrinkle in Time, R. L. Stine horror novels, and Christopher Pike horror novels. I was also a fan of books in which you decide the fate of the character, an existential idea.

The End of One Friendship, The Beginning of Another

The first time I met Faye I was playing follow the leader, and I asked her to join. Ever since, we found most everything about each other to be the same and grew closer together as if we were the same being. I remember how Faye and I would talk for days about all we had in common. For example, in elementary school we even had the same pair of red shorts, our handwriting was exactly alike, and both of us liked boys with dark features. I still think that I would have been her were I free. We made up terms and began the habit of trading notes. We would encourage each other’s creative side until it reached a level of perversity. By acquiring a new “best friend,” I lost the one I had before. When I met Faye I started calling Anna Kite Faye by accident.

The Weirdo Club

With a few others, such as Paula Rakowski, Faye Viola and I created the Weirdo Club in which one gained points for being called “weird” by anyone outside of the club. The mascot was a kiwi bird and the symbols of a radioactive symbol and black widow spider (we loved to draw spiders for some reason). Our theme song was similar in ridiculousness to “I am the Walrus” by the Beatles and had allusions to cheese. For some reason, cheese was very funny and still is. Just thinking about cheese makes one burst out in laughter.

Operations

As a child, I loved projects. I think I have always been a project person. But I disliked group projects because I usually ended up doing all the work. Writing a book is a huge and solitary project and many of the traits that are in me are in me so that I can write this book. Faye and I had many sleepovers in which we had projects or “operations.” We once made riddles scattered throughout my house to lead my parents to a magazine called Everlasting Craziness in which I remember making fun of Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan, ice skaters, as well as Lorraina Bobbitt (who now owns a nail salon in Northern Virginia). Another time we devised up a haunted house idea with fake blood and eyeballs. Other things that we made: a mini-ballet, breakfast in bed (for the parents), and a virtual reality computer game.

The Beatles

Paula’s father and Faye’s father introduced us to the Beatles. Faye Viola’s favorite Beatle was George Harrison and mine was Richard Starkey (a.k.a. Ringo Starr). We would sing songs written by the Beatles during recess and I later continued my interest in them until it became an obsession.

Giving a Name to My Archetype (See First Grade)

Batman Returns

I also continued to have the Aphrodite/Venus archetype I had in first grade. In fourth grade, I saw Batman Returns and was then able to give a name to my archetype. My friend Faye had the same archetype: Catwoman. After watching the movie, I wanted to change anything in my living space from wholesome to angry and to go from being a wholesome idiot to being a damn sexy and powerful kitten. Perhaps this desire is what became the “gateway drug” to the Goth lifestyle. Faye, a girl who died early in high school, and I decided to remake Batman Returns during recess. We called it Felicia Returns.